My breastfeeding journey is over.
Baby A has not fed for over a week now and she has happily settled onto bottles.
I fed J for 10 months and baby A for 6 months and I was lucky that they both took to it naturally. I feel very happy and proud that I was able to give us all that experience.
I honestly can’t imagine there is any other bond like breastfeeding your baby.
I loved knowing I was providing all their nourishment, something that only I could give. I loved feeding them nuzzled against my chest, their little hands resting against me. I loved holding them close as they fell asleep attached to my breast.
It hasn’t been an easy journey. I’ve written before about how I felt I poisoned my baby when I didn’t realise J was reacting to so many foods through my milk. This time round I was much more informed and able to see the same pattern developing straight away.
However breastfeeding with allergies meant that I had to cut a lots of things out my diet – over 10 foods including dairy, egg, soya, garlic and coconut. I was more than willing to do this but I was still struggling to figure out everything she was reacting to. Once I started weaning her onto solids, and she had her allergic reaction to banana, I wanted to be able to eliminate too many variables.
On top of this, my weight had dropped to under 8 stone – 12lb less than I was pre-baby – and I felt it wasn’t very healthy for me any more either.
So we had our last feed.
It was a lovely one. We were away last weekend and we spent the night co-sleeping. I didn’t know it was my last feed at the time but I am so glad it ended in such a special, snuggly way.
I feel sad that I won’t ever be doing it again, as I know baby A is our last child but I know that this is best for both of us and will always cherish the time I spent breastfeeding both my babies.